4lbs! Whoo hoo!
Sep 11th, 2009 by Anna

I lost 4 pounds in our first weigh-in for work’s Biggest Loser. Well, 2nd weigh-in but first possible weight loss week. And it was actually over 4 pounds but I just can’t remember the decimals. I’ve completed four workouts of 20 on the 30 day challenge. Today was a rest day. I’m excited about working out. Excited about having lost a respectable amount of weight. Excited to be headed back to me.

Summer was a bust
Sep 6th, 2009 by Anna

I didn’t do horribly but I knew with the travel I wasn’t going to eat or exercise the way I should. When work started back up again, I really did a bit of stress eating. BUT my work is doing our own version of a Biggest Loser challenge which could score me $200 if I take this seriously enough and drop some weight. I think I have a good shot at it. I have the percentage to lose – there’s that at least.

I’m giving myself a very tiny goal though. Just a pound a week. Okay, I’m going to be working at more because I want the money, but I’m going to accept a pound a week. That’s 52 pounds in a year’s time and that’s pretty significant really. I’d be quite happy with myself if I was 52 pounds lighter.

Just did day 1 of 30 day challenge. Here we go again!

Not according to plan
Jun 12th, 2007 by Anna

Well, I’m losing weight this summer! Yay! But it’s because I’ve been sick. Bleah. Well, no let me back up. I started off okayish and then I ran into a chocolate bar. And then I got myself a little attitude adjustment and reminded myself that yeah, this isn’t going to be an easy, fun journey. That if I want to get back to the weight I was, I’m going to have to make some sacrifices. Plain and simple. So then I was crabby about it but I was eating right and THEN I got sick. I found out today that I have bronchitis and maybe “walking” pneumonia. All I know is that my head pounds from coughing so much and everything tastes like slime. You don’t eat much when everything tastes like slime. Not exactly the way I intended to jump start my weight loss, but I guess we should look at the positive side of everything, no? I do wish I had more energy to do things. Hopefully a few more days and I’ll be back on my feet… THEN I can join the gym and take walks with the kids…

I’m alive…
May 15th, 2007 by Anna

Yes, I’m here. I’ve been ignoring most of my blogs lately. It’s just crazy at the end of the school year when you work at a school. I’m SO looking forward to the summer! I plan to do most of the following:

  • join a gym
  • take a dance class with my girls
  • play LOTS of very active Wii games
  • take walks and bike rides with my kids (in the mornings, before the temperature hits three digit degrees)
  • take the time to eat healthier

I may not do the gym if I do the dance but everything else is a real plan! Did I mention I’m looking forward to the summer?

Food Journal
Apr 10th, 2007 by Anna

I’m sharing my food journal again. I’m doing it differently this time. This time I’m using Twitter with a separate account just for what I eat. Twitter will note the TIME of an entry so I think this might help me find eating trends and habits better – when I see WHEN I eat what I eat. And of course making my food journal public will help me keep my eating in check – in theory, anyway.

I began this today but had some troubles finding a good way to display it here. I’m not 100% satisfied with how I’m doing it, but it’ll do for now. To see my food journal, follow the link above (at least it’s above using the theme on this date) that says “Eating.”

Feb 11th, 2007 by Anna

Wow… this is cool. I’m adding this blog entry using my IM and a web application called IMified. Let me see if I can link to it… Click Here (I think). If this works, I may actually update my blog more frequently. And it may become a tad more quip-ish. We’ll see.

Themes and stuff
Jan 23rd, 2007 by Anna

I have a new look for my blog now. I needed a change. I just didn’t care much for the old. With the theme change, I also cleaned out some stuff. I combined the two about pages and combined the two tools pages. I put the links in as actual links though you lose out on their descriptions that way so I’m not sure if I’ll keep it like that. And I added a blogroll. So if anyone has a weight loss blog that they want me to link to, email me. The address is my first name @ onmyweigh dot com. I think I have a spam thingie on there that may require that you respond to an email before it gets to me. Also, if you link to this page from yours, I’ll see it and I’ll link back.

Now back to your regularly scheduled day. Put down that donut!

The bad good news.
Dec 30th, 2006 by Anna

It was brought to my attention that I’m still sorta neglecting this site. Well, I’m still sorta neglecting myself. But the ironic thing is that I’ve got some stomach… thing… that’s been affecting me in yucky ways and my weight is down from what it was. Not back to where it was when I lept off the wagon and rolled in the mud a bit, but down from when I popped my head back up and said – oh hell! Where’s that wagon! So I still haven’t been eating exactly right but I’m all wicky wacky anyway. I’m hoping this stomach thing sorts itself out and I can get back on track soon. At least I lost some weight…

Take THAT!
Dec 1st, 2006 by Anna

Okay, so yesterday started off kinda scary for me. I was way too focused on the Pria bar I didn’t have. But I did fine during the day. Then things took a little bit of a spill. Meghan begged for Taco Bell on the way home from school and they gave her two tacos instead of one, and I snitched a couple of nachos (sans cheese at least) and she didn’t eat half of her taco shell. But as soon as I got home I put in the calories on the tracker. By the way, Taco Bell has a great nutrition calculator where you can put in exactly what you ate – even sans shell or sans meat or extra cheese or whatever – and it will calculate out all of the basic facts. /digression.

So I entered it all and I was still doing good on the day. Not great, but good. And then things went wonky again. Just after having some toast our Internet service went down and I became afraid to eat. Terrified. I wasn’t sure how much left I had on the day in terms of calories. I was pretty sure I had a good 200 easy. But I had no way to find out. I was almost literally shaking at one point. It was like I was really two different people. One part of me wanted to blow off the day just because I couldn’t calculate it. The other part of me wanted to eat right, but that part of me was so frustrated about not knowing what “right” was. And another part of me (okay, so three people), was just frustrated at being frustrated and couldn’t figure out why I just can’t be NORMAL and not NEED to count calories and just eat what’s right and be done with it. So I kind of appeased all three parts and ate a box of Cracker Jacks. I ate because it tasted good and that’s what I wanted to eat. I was certain 120 calories would be fine. And I couldn’t enter it into the computer anyway, so I just tried to deal. Nathan, the brat, ate over half my box so we split another.
This morning, as soon as I was able, I entered yesterday into the computer and was thrilled to see I was within my range in nearly every category. I was under in calories. I didn’t hit fiber, iron or potassium, but I was under in sodium and spot on everywhere else. Whoo hoo! Smell me!

Today I remembered the Pria bar. And as it will be a rush evening tonight, I’m sure it will be McDonald’s for the kids, so I went ahead and entered my entire day into the computer so it will be easier to eat right and still go ahead and have some fries and McNuggets. Whoo hoo!

Do I think I’m really back on track? No, not really. Because 2/3rds of me fight for me to just eat and not care. But that third is trying really hard, and I have such a supportive husband. I don’t know how he puts up with me. So I’m going to just take it one day at a time for now and celebrate my little successes along the way.

Nov 20th, 2006 by Anna

It’s that time again. Time for me to get a crummy attitude. Time for me to ignore the web site and pretend that my weight isn’t a constant issue. Pretend it doesn’t bother me that I’m xyz pounds above my goal and that it’s okay that I eat whatever the heck I want to whenever the heck I want to and in whatever portions I want to. It’s time stop stepping on the scale so I can pretend I’m not going in reverse. Okay, well, that’s the direction I’ve been headed. Did I say I was back on the wagon? I lied. I picked up a train heading in the other direction. Nice, huh?

I wish I knew what was in me that takes me to this spot. What triggers me to throw away everything I’ve worked for to get to where I am? Why do I suddenly think that I hate fruit and that veggies are a waste and that copious amounts of chocolate will be worth it all? Why do I pretend that I’m going to be “good” in a day and then make an excuse to blow it out of the water? Like yesterday. It’s a Sunday. The start of the week. I’m going to be good. I had nothing to eat or drink until about 11:30 am and then I got a yogurt (good) and thought I’d have just a single serving of barbeque potato chips. Only Nathan took three or four of my carefully weighed portion of chips. So I thought I’d replace them with eight or ten more, figuring he’d eat more. He did. So I got more still. Until finally I had the bag of chips sitting in front of us and had no idea how much I’d eaten. And then I figured I’d blown the day so what the heck, right?

I really need to figure out how I get here. I can’t blame it on stress really. My work has been improving greatly and I look forward to going again. My husband and kids are well and make me happy. My house is a total disaster but my attitude toward it is along the same lines as my attitude with eating. I know that it’s a horrible mess. I know exactly what I should do to fix it. I sometimes make a haphazard effort to fix things and then when it doesn’t go perfect I go in reverse. So whatever has me screwing up my eating has me screwing up with housecleaning. I know that I hate looking at my house right now, inside and out. I know that I hate it because of what I’ve done and not done to get it to that state. I know that I almost resent my husband when he tries to fix the house or when he gently reminds me about the food – it’s like I think he’s showing off that he’s better than me. And I know – I do KNOW – that that isn’t his intention, but I get upset regardless.

So, I’m here again. And today, even though I am truly and completely despising logging in what I’m eating, I’m actually doing so on SparkPeople – where I haven’t been in over a week. And it didn’t start off so good (20 oz of gas station cappuccino coffee), I’m doing okay. And I’m staring at Thanksgiving in two days and I’m not sure I’ve ever gone to my in-laws EVER and ate very good, but I’ll try at least. Though I’m afraid to say that I’m going to try because lately I saw that and it’s a blatant lie.

The thing is, I hate that nothing fits me. I hate that I have oodles and oodles of clothes that I can’t wear. I hate how I look. And I know what I need to fix it. I know it. But I’m just not wanting it right now. I want to be in a size four again. Just like I want the perfectly clean and straightened house. And I know how I can have that house. But I can’t seem to get into the mental place to do what has to be done. And I’m frustrated. I mad at myself. And yet I could eat a batch of brownies right now without batting an eye.

I know I’m rambling. And I know I’ll get through this. I almost didn’t post anything at all. I hate posting when I have a bad attitude. How can anyone ever call ME inspirational?! But I’m afraid if I don’t post, particularly now, I’m going to be back on the blog in a year saying how bad I screwed up and how I’m starting over starting over starting over and I’ll be twenty pounds heavier than even now. Maybe if I write it. Maybe I’ll get back in the right place in my head. Maybe.

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