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Scare unwarranted
May 30th, 2009 by Anna

I’m driving to work and casually reach my hand over to the back of my upper left arm to scratch an itch. Under the itch I feel a strange… lump. It’s hard and a bit under the skin. I’m a little alarmed. It doesn’t hurt. It isn’t a bruise. It’s just… a lump. I rub it out a bit to see if it will start to hurt. Huh. No. I reach to my right arm. Same lump. I go home and search the Internet. It’s apparantly something called “triceps” and I shouldn’t be worried it’s there. Whew!

PS – GO ME!

Well Hell.
May 24th, 2009 by Anna

I’m trying not to be mad. But I’m mad. It’s not like it was a great day anyway. Heck it wasn’t even GOOD. Or even fair. But whatever. So I go to the Wii knowing full well it’s a rest day on the 30 day challenge but I want to check in on my journal and I want to be 100% sure I didn’t have a brain fart and it not really be a rest day. Yes, a day of rest. I fill out the little survey and whatever. Then i see the start over button. And I’m certain there will be a back button if I select it. Of course there will be. So just for grins I go to see what the start over button does. Does it just start over your 30 day challenge? Or does it wipe the day? Oh, I see. It starts your 30 day challenge back to square one. But there’s the “are you sure?” bail out. So I switch to the non-default answer as my mind very quickly tells me that the default to the question will be yes and I don’t want to start over so I’ll just switch it to no. And my fingers followed my mind. All of this happened a split second before my eyes bothered to READ the options and lookie there. I’m back to day one. Great. So I can continue on with the presets and do the correct workout day tomorrow and continue on until my original 30 day challenge is done and just keep track of it all myself. Or tomorrow, which would have been day 7, will become the new day 1 (because I am NOT going to work out tonight). It’s not like it’s going to hurt me to start over tomorrow. And it’s not like it’s going to hurt me to manually select my workouts. But… but… I’m not supposed to have to do either one of those. I’m so ticked off right now. I think just because of who I am, I’m going to have to start over tomorrow instead of manually advancing through the exercises. I need to see that calendar marking my progress. I need to read that little blurb on what I’m going to work on the following day. But I was so excited that I bought this stupid thing the day it came out and that I would be among the first consumers to complete the 30 day challenge. Stupid, I know. But I thought it was cool and I was excited about it. But I screw it up. To hell with it. I’m going to bed.

Funny…
May 19th, 2009 by Anna

Chocolate cake calories DO seem to count on your birthday. I was lied to!

No streaking!
May 7th, 2009 by Anna

Well, I blew all my streaks yesterday. I didn’t exercise. That’s the biggie. Didn’t get many of the nutrients, nor my water. Went plenty over on calories. Sodium was a little ridiculous. That said, I certainly could have been a lot worse. I just wanted a break from exercise and I was frustrated with lunch. I’m feeling like I can’t eat anything that I don’t have the nutrition labels for or that isn’t in the SparkPeople database. I know that’s dumb, but really. Some things I have absolutely no idea how on many calories, fat, fiber, protein, etc. I can’t even begin to guess. Like these wrap sandwiches we had at lunch. And the beans and rice with bits of sausage. I know I could sit there and take everything apart and measure it and look up each component but good grief. I just want to eat. I ended up using the database to select things that were… kinda right? But notreally. I figured counting some calories and stuff is better than ignoring it. I’m not sure what to do, though. It’s annoying. I don’t know how to eat out – or eat something someone else cooked. I’ve been avoiding it, but now it’s starting to frustrate me.

I’ve been mostly good today. Well, I’m not over in calories, sodium or fat. I *am* over in carbs and I’m not close to hitting my protein and just shy of calcium. And I’m out of my cheese snacks. Maybe a yogurt’ll do it. Yeah… that did it. But not much I can do about the protein unless I go over my calories.

The power behind a goal
May 5th, 2009 by Anna

I haven’t been particularly excited about doing exercise the last couple of days. In fact, I outright didn’t want to do it. Forced myself to do it. Said you will have a time out if you don’t get your butt up and moving! I knew it was a hollow threat but still, I thought it best to follow through.

What’s interesting to me is why I’ve forced myself. And it’s really kind of a stupid reason. It’s not because I’m trying to lose weight. It’s not because I’ll suddenly feel good about exercising once I start. It was because I set a goal in SparkPeople. I don’t even get SparkPoints for it. It’s just tracked. And I can see what my current streak is on a goal and I didn’t want to break my streak. That’s it. I didn’t want to break my streak.

So I guess whatever works, right? If those little numbers on a web page are enough to get my butt moving, then then let it be those little numbers on a web page. This is a good thing because from my history I know that if I break from working out too long, it’s way harder to get back into it. Way easier to say “maybe tomorrow” and when I’ve maybe tomorrowed enough times, I start eating poorly because what the heck, it’s not like I’m exercising either. 

Man… me and these mind games…

Forgiven. Almost.
May 5th, 2009 by Anna

The scale has been forgiven. Mostly.

>:(
May 4th, 2009 by Anna

Stupid scale. I’m so mad. For two days now I’ve done quite well, thankyouverymuch! I’ve eaten well, I’ve excerised well. And that stupid scale. I’m mad at it.

Another good day!
Apr 30th, 2009 by Anna

I’m really feeling good about myself. Exercise isn’t feeling like a chore. It’s just something I need to work to fit in. But the jogging in place is working. I did 30 more minutes on the Wii last night – one time for 20 minutes and one time for 10. And I don’t think I dropped my pace at all the whole time. And it was a fairly brisk pace. I just felt so GOOD about it.

Yesterday’s eating was good, too. I have one buffalo wing and one Hawaiian bread roll. But I stopped at one, each. It probably helped that Jonathan raised an eyebrow at me when I reached for the roll. If I hadn’t had to be snarky about having enough points (we say points even though we mean calories because we’re just so used to saying points because of Weight Watchers) I might have had another. But I stayed in control.

Today’s weigh in was down from yesterday but not down the lowest it’s been in the last week. I’m doing really well today with eating and I plan to work out again this evening so I’m hoping for another little loss in the morning’s weigh in. If I can just start a good steady downward turn, I know it will be easier to keep up the good habits.

Feelin’ it
Apr 28th, 2009 by Anna

So two days ago, I got up on the scale and before it settled on my weight, I thought, “I feel lighter.” And sure enough, the scale said, “You sure do!” It felt great. I’d gotten over that little hump and saw some results. I’ve been on and off with the Wii. Not really committed to it, but not avoiding it either. And I’ve been mostly doing good eating. I just can’t go over to Mom’s. Certainly not while her siblings are visiting and she has food Food and FOOD around! So that little break felt good, but I also knew it was short lived because like I’ve said – I’m only doing just better than okay.

Sunday we had extended family over for dinner. Mom, Dad, Grandma, Titi, Uncle Gabe, Aunt Mony and Aunt Meche. We had buffalo wings which I didn’t go overboard on and Hawaiian bread which I did. I had a few waffle fries. And I had ice cream. That was the biggest oops. And then more Hawaiian bread. And this is after already maxing my sodium on the day with a splurge for lunch of a Chipotle bowl. So yeah… I was pretty sure yesterday’s weight would reflect that not-so-good choices.

And yesterday – Monday – wasn’t great either. Because I was going to eat some grilled tilapia and maybe some steamed veggies but Jonathan came how with rainbow rice from Taiwan Dragon and… that was really good. And oh look – we have Hawaiian bread from the night before. So this morning I hadn’t gained over yesterday, but I didn’t get to see that lower number that gave me such glee. I’ll see it again, though.

I almost bailed on anything active this evening but with Biggest Loser on, I thought it would make more sense to not be a candidate for the next season. And then I got all happy again. I put on a free run on Wii Fit so I could just jog in place while I watched TV. Sure, I didn’t need the Wii Fit to do that, but there’s something satisfying hearing your virtual footsteps and not having to watch the clock. And I was pleasantly surprised with myself. I was going to set it for 20 minutes, but remembering how pathetic my 20 minute step was from the other day, I decided it would make more sense to do a 10 minute run and if I felt I could do another, do another. So I started up my run and switched the TV to Biggest Loser. And at a commercial break, because my son loves to watch my Mii running around the virtual world, I switched back to the Wii. I saw 3:08 and thought, “Geez! I have 7 minutes left?! Are you KIDDING me?!” But I wasn’t really that surprised. And then I noticed that the timer was going DOWN. I had 3 minutes LEFT. That realization gave me so much energy. It’s silly, really. But I finished my time during the commercial break (holy COW those breaks are long!) and then sat and watched until the next commercial break. And then I did another 10 minutes.

I’m writing this now and feeling kind of on a high about it. Which is silly. It’s just 20 minutes. Biggest Loser is almost over. But I think I’m going to go ahead with another 10 minutes. I’m just hoping I can find something really interesting on TV because watching my Mii run around isn’t engaging enough and 10 minutes will seem so much longer than 10 minutes…

Poo on everyone.
Apr 24th, 2009 by Anna

I was in such a pissy mood yesterday. And I didn’t eat well. I really did fine on the day until Jonathan brought home pizza for the kids. And I would have ignored the pizza like I planned but he also brought the Italian cheese bread and it smelled really, really good. So I ate a piece. And I thought what the hell I’ll just make it my dinner and had two more pieces. But I was in a bad mood and I should never make food decisions when I’m in this state. I would have still been fine but then I thought I’d go ahead and have a piece of pizza while I was at it. And that brought me over about 50 calories. So in my head, because I was pissy and angry, I thought I’d just work it off. 50 calories isn’t so bad. But I was pissy and told myself that I couldn’t “work it off” because I’m not doing Weight Watchers where I earn activity points. That SparkPeople doesn’t give you more calories to eat if you work out. This is actually the point that I started to act pissy on the outside, too – when I started playing mind games with myself. Because it would have still made sense to work out a bit even if I couldn’t show in SparkPeople that I didn’t go over in my calories. But did I mention I was pissy? Because I didn’t work out. And worse than that, I didn’t stop eating. I had a country cone ice cream that was nearly 300 calories! And just before I went to bed I had a Special K shake. At least it was a diety shake, right? I really could have done a lot worse, all things considering. And the truth is I wanted to do a lot worse. I’d gone to a friend’s work so we could work on a podcast and totally planned on getting a big chocolate shake on the way home. I thought about it, though, and I came to my senses.

Today I’ve been pretty good. I’m worried about this evening, however, as the girls are going to have a friend sleepover and Jonathan is picking up buffalo wings for dinner. I’m going to just decide not to touch them at all, because I’m probably going to lose control if I do. But that’s hard to admit because I really want a buffalo wing. Just one? *sigh*

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