On My Weigh

Today we had an office lunch dessert party in celebration of a co-worker’s “un”birthday. I DIDN’T have any cake. I could have had a little, and probably not gone overboard. But Jonathan and I are supposed to take the kids to the movies tonight and I want to save calories for popcorn. So I’m proud of myself for making a decision of one or the other and not indulging in either.

I’m also really happy with my progress. Not so much my weight progress since my attitude adjustment - there’s not been that much time to really see progress - but more with my control over situations. I’m back right in the head.

Mom is Puertorican and she makes this… pastry - a typical island fare - that is fried with cheese inside. Kind of like an empanada but mmmMmMmmMmmm so much better. Mom called today to say she’d made some. A rare treat unless we happen to be IN Puerto Rico. More rare than bacalao but now I digress. She called to tell me she’d made some and they were fresh out of the fry-daddy and did I want to come by? I wanted to. Oh BOY did I want to. But I didn’t. Discussing it with Jonathan I realize I had enough calories left to indulge in one, but I still made a good choice not going because I’m sure I wouldn’t have stopped at one, and I’m sure I would have dug around in the fridge for the bacalao she made the other day and I would have snitched at least a slice of the pound cake she was sure to have on the counter. And while I was at it, might as well have some of the M&Ms in the bowl. So this was a great success for me. Whew!

I’m having a grim and grumpy day today. And my eating is reflecting that. I have such a long list of things I have to do that I have no business posting this. But I need a break and five minutes isn’t going to kill me, right? So while I’m being crabby and pissy and overwhelmed with work and personal to-do lists, I’m eating all kinds of snacks. The only small success I can muster is that I’ve only been eating 100 calorie paks. But… well, lots of them. But that really is a success right now because every part of my being wants to go down the hall, slap 65 cents into that machine and eat me a Twix. And then shove another 65 cents in and have a Snickers. And then some chips sound really good, surely I can find another 50 cents. But I’ve had a diet drink and enough 100 calorie paks that the Twix would have been better, but I know that Twix will send me down a slippery slope of “what the hell does it matter now” and I can’t let that happen. So really, I’m going to feel proud of the willpower I’ve managed to muster today. And now I’m going to go back to work.

I’m not trying to neglect this time. I’m really now. Life has been really busy and it seems my personal health has taken a back seat to everything else I need to get done. And when that happens, this site doesn’t get updated much. But it’s spring break now and no big deadlines so maybe I’ll be better.

I ate just one cinnamon roll this morning. 110 calories. Just one.