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The bad good news.
Dec 30th, 2006 by Anna

It was brought to my attention that I’m still sorta neglecting this site. Well, I’m still sorta neglecting myself. But the ironic thing is that I’ve got some stomach… thing… that’s been affecting me in yucky ways and my weight is down from what it was. Not back to where it was when I lept off the wagon and rolled in the mud a bit, but down from when I popped my head back up and said – oh hell! Where’s that wagon! So I still haven’t been eating exactly right but I’m all wicky wacky anyway. I’m hoping this stomach thing sorts itself out and I can get back on track soon. At least I lost some weight…

Take THAT!
Dec 1st, 2006 by Anna

Okay, so yesterday started off kinda scary for me. I was way too focused on the Pria bar I didn’t have. But I did fine during the day. Then things took a little bit of a spill. Meghan begged for Taco Bell on the way home from school and they gave her two tacos instead of one, and I snitched a couple of nachos (sans cheese at least) and she didn’t eat half of her taco shell. But as soon as I got home I put in the calories on the tracker. By the way, Taco Bell has a great nutrition calculator where you can put in exactly what you ate – even sans shell or sans meat or extra cheese or whatever – and it will calculate out all of the basic facts. /digression.

So I entered it all and I was still doing good on the day. Not great, but good. And then things went wonky again. Just after having some toast our Internet service went down and I became afraid to eat. Terrified. I wasn’t sure how much left I had on the day in terms of calories. I was pretty sure I had a good 200 easy. But I had no way to find out. I was almost literally shaking at one point. It was like I was really two different people. One part of me wanted to blow off the day just because I couldn’t calculate it. The other part of me wanted to eat right, but that part of me was so frustrated about not knowing what “right” was. And another part of me (okay, so three people), was just frustrated at being frustrated and couldn’t figure out why I just can’t be NORMAL and not NEED to count calories and just eat what’s right and be done with it. So I kind of appeased all three parts and ate a box of Cracker Jacks. I ate because it tasted good and that’s what I wanted to eat. I was certain 120 calories would be fine. And I couldn’t enter it into the computer anyway, so I just tried to deal. Nathan, the brat, ate over half my box so we split another.
This morning, as soon as I was able, I entered yesterday into the computer and was thrilled to see I was within my range in nearly every category. I was under in calories. I didn’t hit fiber, iron or potassium, but I was under in sodium and spot on everywhere else. Whoo hoo! Smell me!

Today I remembered the Pria bar. And as it will be a rush evening tonight, I’m sure it will be McDonald’s for the kids, so I went ahead and entered my entire day into the computer so it will be easier to eat right and still go ahead and have some fries and McNuggets. Whoo hoo!

Do I think I’m really back on track? No, not really. Because 2/3rds of me fight for me to just eat and not care. But that third is trying really hard, and I have such a supportive husband. I don’t know how he puts up with me. So I’m going to just take it one day at a time for now and celebrate my little successes along the way.

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