On My Weigh

This week I’ll stay in points. Bleah. That stinks. It just seems like so little food. Last week was another bust on the points thing. I didn’t keep very good track at all. And I think part of the reason is because I’d given myself permission to go OVER points - I just had to keep track of them. So it was really easy to tell myself, “well, it doesn’t matter what I eat anyway, so I’m just not going to point it.” I’m really good at playing mind games with myself. *sigh* So this week, I gotta stay in points.

As for exercise. I did two of three last week. I had great intentions for Friday but the day did not go according to plan. If I don’t get the exercise in before picking the kids up from daycare, it’s likely not going to happen. Nathan just doesn’t let me pedal and it’s too danged hot to go on a family walk.

I’m seriously considering joining a gym. It’s just such an expense. A big *ouch* to our pocketbook. As usual, my husband is extremely supportive, though. So really the only thing weighing on my decision is if I can work the workouts into my already crammed schedule. I think if I pick at least one day a week to leave work right at 3:20pm, when I’m officially off the clock, I can get to the gym by 3:40 and get working out by 3:50. I’ll say 4 just to be on the safe side. Then I can work out for a good solid hour - maybe even another 15 minutes  - and go straight to pick up the wee ones from daycare. The problem will be dinner because my kids get hungry early and I’ll have spent no time getting dinner ready. So maybe that will be a crockpot day or a canned food day. I can work out Saturday mornings… feed the kids breakfast and take them with me because there’s free daycare there with a big playscape for the kids. And if they didn’t want to go, they could stay home with Jonathan. But Jonathan pointed out that when soccer starts back up, Saturday mornings are taken. I could go Saturday afternoons… But then I have to worry about the wee ones’ naps. I just have to figure out a schedule before I commit to the money because I can’t afford to waste the money… I’m not even convinced that it’s not too hard a hit for us anyway…

Why can’t anything ever be easy?

Can anyone please tell me how many points the average gas station French Vanilla cappuccino coffee has? And how many ounces you’re pointing? I can’t find this anywhere!! Help!

I wish that were true of my weight, but I’m talking about my goal. My week starts on Monday so really I have to get through today with pointing to be two thirds of the way to my goal of pointing daily. Monday I pointed but I was sure having to write a lot. Ooops…
BUT, yesterday I went to go watch Madelynn at gymnastics and decided to walk there. I realized I was getting there too fast so I zig-zagged through the neighborhood so I could keep my brisk pace (could talk in spurts but not carry on a good conversation) and not end too quickly. It was a good thirty minute walk. And today, Madelynn forgot her blanket at daycare so I walked there and back. I was shy a couple of minutes to reach 20 so I walked in and got on the recumbant bike immediately to finish off to 20. Yay!

Using the iPod has been awesome! I prayed the Rosary yesterday and today both. Yesterday, I’d finished the Sorrowful Mysteries so I just started listening to a podcast I’d downloaded. I find I like listening to talking much more than music when I’m getting exercise. I like music, but it doesn’t get to me to thinking, really. If I can be thinking, I’ll kind of forget I’m getting exercise, and that seems to be key.

So week one in the journey back to me was not what I’d call a success. It started off just fine. I was eating into banked, but by mid-week I was hitting right at my number for the day. And I wasn’t starving. And I was pointing out everything - good or bad. And for exercise I didn’t start off very good, but I did manage by mid-week to have one 25 minute ride on the recumbant bike and than one other 10 minute ride (interrupted by the kids).

But the end of the week… yikes. See, we took our mostly annual trip to Lake Kiowa to spend the weekend with my husband’s family. And there’s a lot of snacky foods there. And I got a little more than carried away. And I didn’t point anything. And I didn’t get any exercise. The thing is, I could have done both. My goal for the week was not to stay in points - it was just to write out and point everything I ate. But if I did that, I wouldn’t have overeaten, and that’s apparently what I had in mind. I’m not sure how many of those little round brownies I ate, but it was shameful. If I’d at least written them, I know I would have had much less. My excuse to myself was that I didn’t want anyone seeing that I was pointing things out. Yeah, I don’t buy that either.

And exercise? That would have been a cinch. My sister-in-law went jogging in the morning. I could have easily gone with her. Probably would have slowed her down, but I could have gone for a walk at least. Or played soccer with the kids. Or borrowed a bike. No… I sat my lazy butt on the dock or the deck and watched everyone ELSE be active.

So while I was headed for a huge week as far as weight loss… That’s not exactly what happened. In fact, it’s kind of opposite of what happened.

So this week’s goals are the same as the last. But this time I’ll really do it. I have no excuses. Period.

Part of why I hate exercise currently is I get impatient and bored. I can do the recumbant bike watching TV, but that quickly bores me. Mostly I get restless just pedaling and the TV isn’t enough to keep me entertained. I can’t read while riding because that makes me a little seasick. I can’t do TaeBo because it attracts too much attention from the little ones and they like to try to duck under my legs as I kick only sometimes they’re not fast enough. Please don’t call CPS. Besides, TaeBo is enough action that I’m not restless but the actual DVD itself bores me, too. I’d rather be watching a TV show, which I already said kinda bores me. Maybe I can picture in picture the TaeBo while watching something else… Hmm… Anyway, I can’t bike ride right now. 103 degrees F is just too hot. I could go to Curves or another gym but there’s travel time and the issue of childcare.

Anyway, I need to work on my spiritual goals as well as my health ones. So I’m going to combine the two. If I take the time that I’m exercising to be praying as well, I won’t be clock watching. I won’t be bored. I figure one set of mysteries of the Rosary is a little over 20 minutes. Perfect! I even have the Rosary on DVD (so I don’t need a counter, like beads). Just today I imported to my laptop and downloaded to my iPod which means I put in my headphones and block out the world a bit. Of course as I type this Nathan is hogging the iPod to watch Dora… but he’ll be asleep soon. And then I can pray! And exercise!

Okay, the food goal is going great. I’ve faithfully pointed everything. My first weekly goal did NOT say I would stay within my points. I haven’t used up all my banked yet but I sure headed in that direction. The thing, though, is I’m eating lots and lots less just because I’m writing it down. I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before. I’m going to have to re-read my own journal. But it just kind of surprises me everytime. If I don’t write things down, I give myself license to gorge because I can pretend I forgot that I already had a bag of chips with my PB&J for lunch. But when I’m writing it down… there it is. And I don’t want to write down 50 points worth of food. That’s disgusting to even think about it. But last week I easily ate that plus. So I think this was a good first goal for me. I need to baby step myself back to me. If I try to go full swing I know I’ll fall right back on my butt, and while I have a little more padding right now, it’ll still hurt and make me wonder if it’s all worth the trouble. I *am* worth the trouble.

Exercise… notsomuch. The goal was three 20 minute activities this week. I’ve had exactly zero. I’ll work on that today.

On a short road trip today…

Madelynn (age 4): “Mommy, were you married before Nathan was born or before I was born?
Me: “Daddy and I were married even way before Meghan was born.”
Madelynn: “And were you fat?”
Me: “Well, I don’t think I was fat. I was heavier but I got skinny after Meghan was born.”
Madelynn: “And now you’re fat because your older and you can’t be skinny?”

One of my reasons for weight loss the first time around was because I never wanted Meghan (she was the only kid at the time) to ever have to use the word “fat” to describe me. I didn’t want her to be embarrassed by her mother. But it’s official, I’m fat again. Maddie said so. Now she didn’t say it ugly. She said it very matter of factly. And that feels worse. My response, though was to tell her with firm definitiveness (is that a word?)

Me: “No, I CAN be skinny. I WILL be skinny again.”
Madelynn: “When?”
Me: “Well, I’m working on that right now!”

Wow! I’ve done some major changes on this site. It didn’t even take me as long as I thought it would. Keep reading to find out about my hiatus.

I still have some stuff to do to get this site the way I want. On my to-do list:

1. Pick a better wordpress theme. This one is SO boring!
2. Fix the photo page. The larger image got all squished together because of the space allowed in the theme.
3. Figure out why the pages won’t order the way I want them to. I set the order, but it’s not working!
4. Pretty up the other pages that didn’t convert from the old version of the site very well.
5. Update the Success Stories page
6. Fix the Recipes page
1. Convert old versions to standard format
2. Upload recipes
3. Fix links
7. Add a contact page to email me without using real email.

But unfortunately, all of that is going to have to wait. I have to get some work done that I get PAID for doing. If you notice something that needs to be done that’s not on the list above, please email me at Anna @ my domain name and let me know!

Okay, so I made the decision to get back to this site… And I thought I’d better check my email. It’s been… well… a great long while. In fact, I must have lost some mail sometime because all I have is from January. But WOW do I have a LOT of email to go through. I’m going to answer it all personally. But it’s going to take a little time. But hey, some of you have been waiting six months! What’s another few days, right? Right??