Okay, so it’s an ego boost to put up this web site, I’ll admit. I love the comments on how much weight I’ve lost and I love to hear that my site had motivated and inspired. But sometimes I feel like such a fake. Sometimes I don’t post because dang it I’m feeling so… uninspired. So unmotivated. That I feel like I’m letting people down if I post. Okay, I have definitely had my share of the bad eating posts, but I’m telling you I hold back way more than I list. And if I keep up with that trend, I feel like I’ll never post again. Because I’m eating like a big fat cow. I’m eating like a fat person that doesn’t care she’s fat. I’m using the pregnancy as an excuse. I could eat healthy, but oh no. I pretend the baby is causing me to crave Blue Bell’s Good Heaven’s ice cream by the pint. WhatEVER. The truth is, I’m feeling sorry for myself and using the pregnancy to eat without conscience. And what happens then? Well, then I start feeling sorry for myself because I’m not showing (good Lord, I’m only 10 weeks along!) but I’m not fitting into ANY of my size fours anymore and I’m looking longingly at my sixes. I had to buy “fat” clothes! I swore I never would again, but I can’t go nekkid to work! I was at Mass last Sunday and I saw two different women with newborns. One of them was quite heavy-set and the other… she looked like she had a tiny little post-pregnancy pooch but it was obvious that it wouldn’t be there maybe even next Sunday. I want to be like her. And I’m NOT going to be at this rate. I’m going to be quite lucky if I get back to goal in my allowed 3 months and I’m going to have to thank the Lord if I am able to not pay for a meeting every again. Will posting this stop this horrible trend? Not likely. I’m SO good at the mind games. So… I could use a good kick in the pants from the rest of you. Don’t go easy on me. Tell me what I need to hear. Tell me again why popcorn is better than Ben & Jerry’s. Oh, by the way, this isn’t an excuse, but the pathetic truth… I have a horrible aversion to anything green and healthy. The thought of lettuce and asparagus, and green beans and peas… I want to puke. And my once beloved bananas? They have praying to the porcelain god as well. So this pregnancy truly is making it harder to eat healthy. But still… I had three popsicles today. Within 15 minutes of each other!!!
