May 27th, 2003 by Anna

Okay, I only recently realized it, but I am all about patterns, it seems. I was re-reading my journal, and, like the Weight Watchers meetings, I seem to hit the same topics in a cycle. Good and bad? there’s the whole mirror thing I’ve touched on a few times, and my husband’s support . But one thing bothers me – maybe a couple. It seems I sabotage my goals unconsciously. I have a WW goal and a personal goal. My WW goal is what I call my critical mass . If I get up to that goal, I refocus and get back on program until I’m near my personal goal. But that’s where the problem is. When I get near my personal goal, I seem to go crazy. I am only within a pound of personal goal for a day and then you can see my eating go through the roof! It’s really a pathetic pattern. I owe it to myself to get to my personal goal and hang out there for awhile, don’t I? And every time I get to that goal, I tell myself that I can’t blow it. That I have a tendency to gain quite quickly, but I still do it. Self fulfilling prophecy?

So I’m on my way back down again to my personal goal. I hope to reach it before I leave for Puerto Rico on the 2nd of June. I’ll be there for two and a half weeks. I don’t know if my Abuela has a scale or not, and I have absolutely no idea how to point many of the Puertorican dishes I’ll be enjoying. I don’t even know half of what’s in them. So I’m going to do the obvious – try to stay away from the fried foods, drink lots of water – but still try to enjoy the fact that I may never have these authentic Puertorican meals again.. Or at least not for a very long time. When I get home, though, I’ll only have nine days to get back to WW goal if I go over. That’s how long it will be until the last meeting of the month… If I skip the meeting, I pay. If I’m more than two pounds over goal, I pay. I will not pay.

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