I am stressed. I’m not sure I could be any more stressed. The stress is coming from so many directions… it’s 3-D stress, I tell ya. And do you know what I want to do? I want to eat. I want to stuff my face. I want to gorge on sweets and junk until I HURT I’m so full. I want chocolate, and cookies, and… ice cream and cake and tacos, and hamburgers and… and… I want to just eat without worry and pretend it won’t hit my hips, it won’t touch my thighs, it won’t attack my …. butt. And the fact that I can’t do this is adding to my stress. I need a better de-stresser. My body has some built-in ones. I have GERD, which seems to be a manifestation of stress. I’ve had horrible bouts this week. I used to have ezcema in my fingers and toes so bad that I could just wiggle them and they’d crack and bleed. Lovely, huh? My doctor said that was stress induced as well. Then, I bite my nails. That’s quite attractive. Right now, I want to just eat. The question is… will I?

We had to wear overalls to work today. It’s Earth Day and we’re supposed to look “earthy.” I only had shortalls and wanted to participate, so we all went overall shopping last night. I found a cute pair with a capri length and was going to just buy the mediums off the rack. I’m not sure what made me decide to try on the smalls. I didn’t just buy them outright, because I needed them for today and wouldn’t have time to exchange them for the right size if the small didn’t work. So I took my one-year old into the dressing room with me and tried them on. I don’t know why I was so surprised, but I sure did a little happy dance that they fit me with room to spare. I guess I’m still not used to that feeling. This still hasn’t happened to me as many times as having a LARGE not fit me because it’s too SMALL. I am aware that the majority of my clothes now is a size four and that I can’t wear anything in my closet that is bigger than a six without it falling off. But my mind still tells me that that’s not the way it really is. I get nervous every time I pick up my size. I hold it up and think, there’s no WAY I can fit into this! I am still moved nearly to tears when this little triumphs happen to me. I still have that mirror thing going on. Maybe that’s part of it.

I just created a new spreadsheet to use if you’re on maintenance or have reached lifetime. Well, it’s not exclusive to Weight Watchers members by any means. It’s just meant for people staying the course. There’s less of a focus on the loss, and more on seeing how close you are to your goal. Check it out and tell me what you think!