I went to my Weight Watcher’s meeting the other evening. I decided to stay through instead of just weighing in and leaving like I usually do. I was hoping for some tips or tricks and in that regard, I was disappointed. But something else came from the meeting… I went in, weighed in, visited with some of my friends, then went to sit in the meeting area. I sat down next to someone and looked around for more familiar faces. That’s when I caught a glimpse of it… “The Sneer.” I glanced around some more… and there it was again. I got sneered at. It was hardly noticeable, and if I hadn’t been guilty of giving The Sneer, I wouldn’t have recognized it. The Sneer is given by someone who is at least 50 pounds overweight, who is relatively new to Weight Watchers, and is given to someone who is at, or very close to goal. The thought behind The Sneer is, “What is she doing here? She doesn’t need to lose weight.” and “She can’t relate to me.” The newbies don’t yet realize the lifetime commitment this is, and they assume that the recipient of The Sneer was never as “fat” as they are. The Sneer caught me off-guard and I became extremely introverted all of a sudden. I felt bad for being there. Then my leader said something and I realized she was talking to me. She asked me to tell everyone how much weight I’d lost. I stammered through it… “I’m a Lifetime member and I’d lost 76 pounds when I got to my goal.” I got some ooohs and ahhhs and some applause and then Judy pointed out that I’d also had a baby and gotten back to goal. I glanced at the ladies that had given me The Sneer and they were looking at me with more of a shocked expression than anything else. I felt a little better, because I felt like they realized I did belong there.

So I went home and I was relaying this story to my husband. “I got sneered at a little and felt bad, but I know how they felt, too, because I used to sneer at skinny people, too.” That’s when Jonathan stopped me. “At what kind of people?” “I said I used to sneer at skinny peo-” Oh my… I just called myself “skinny.” Oh what a glorious day that was that I unconsciously called myself skinny!

I’m not sure what is wrong with me. These past couple of days have found me very vain. I’m a different person all of a sudden…

The old me didn’t like her picture taken. When it was inevitable, then I would hide behind people, or try to stand in a way that would mask how big I was. This new me? Well, we had a family reunion this past weekend and when it was time for group photos, I stripped off my jacket so that everyone could see I’m the thinner of my sisters. How rude is that?

The old me wore baggy clothes to try to hide the fact that her tummy stuck out farther than her bodacious ta-tas. This new me? The principal at the school I work told me my jeans were a little snug for school. I enjoy wearing hip-hugger jeans and clingy t-shirts and there are just as many sleeveless clothes in my closet as sleeved clothes.

I guess it’s not so much that I’m vain, I’m just happy to finally be able to be proud . Jonathan’s kind of happy that I’m showing it off anyway.

First, I should say that I firmly believe that, if you want to lose weight, you should want to do it for YOU, not for anyone else. Or else it just won’t happen. Or it won’t stay off, anyway. When I decided to lose the weight, I was doing it because I didn’t want my daughter to ever have to describe her mother has “fat.” It sounds like I was doing it for her, but it’s really for me. I wanted to be proud of my body and not be embarrassed at anyone’s description of me. I did it for me. BUT, I’m not so sure I could have done it without the incredible support of my husband.

Jonathan has been supportive of my weight loss since the first day I decided to do this. And just because I reached my goal, doesn’t mean he’s given up that support. Just the other day, I was turning into a snack monster, eating everything in site. I had the points for it, but I was quickly running out – and I have this horrible habit of really blowing it crazy if I blow it at all. I didn’t exactly *snap* at Jonathan, but I did get a bit snippy when he asked me, ever so cautiously, if I had the points for what I was eating. When I kept snacking, he commented again. I was snippy again. Instead of backing off… instead of snapping back, he put his arms around me and gently reminded me of my goal to never pay for a Weight Watchers meeting again. He told me that it was an awesome goal and he was so proud of my achievements and said how awful I would feel if I was overweight. He didn’t tell me he would be disappointed in me. He told me Iwould be disappointed in myself . And he was so right. I was able to refocus and put down the Trail Mix.

Not everyone is as lucky as I am, but if you don’t have support, FIND IT NOW. If you’re trying to lose weight on your own, without meetings or what-not, at least find a real life person that will nudge you in the right direction without being critical. If you can’t find that someone in real life, find someone on a bulletin board. Email ME. I think it’s important that your support person doesn’t say, “It’s okay to blow it once in awhile,” but rather, “yeah, you blew it but let’s move on.” And that that person reminds you how important this is to you.

I decided to take the easy way out. It’s Lent, and a time for self-reflection and sacrifice. So… I decided a way to keep myself on program would be to make it one of my Lenten promises. If I make a promise to myself, I only hurt myself when I break it. But if I make the promise to God… well, I really don’t want piss off the Big Man, do I? So like any good Catholic in preparation for Lent, I pigged out before Ash Wednesday. And boy, did I! It was Fat Sunday, Fat Monday and WAY Fat Tuesday. So I started Ash Wednesday a little on the heavy side. But I fasted (which really just means having one meal) on Wednesday, and I stayed very on program Thursday. Friday I ate into my banked points a little. Saturday a little more but I was still on program.

Then Sunday came. And I read the church bulletin. It was a question and answer sheet. The question was why we talk about the 40 days of Lent, but there are closer to 50 days between Ash Wednesday and Holy Thursday. My first thought was, “Oh yeah! Holy THURSDAY is the last day of Lent.” Then Good Friday is another day of fasting… but that does leave the Saturday before Easter as a day to eat poorly. Obviously this is not a very good attitude on the start of my day… You might see where this is going… Well, the short answer is that Sundays aren’t a part of Lent. Which means your Lenten promises aren’t really broken if they aren’t kept on Sundays! Can you see where this is going now? Let’s just say, Fat Tuesday ain’t got nothing on I-Just-Realized-I-Can-Eat-Crazy-And-Not-Feel-Guilty Sunday! What the heck? In making the promise to God, I forgot that almost as important is the promise to myself. And now, Monday morning, I am back on the heavy side and feeling poorly about what I did. Lesson learned.