An undeserving loss.
July 1st, 2001 by Anna

I lost a very undeserving pound on my weigh in. You’d think I’d get in gear after being given that loss. I sure didn’t earn it. But no, for the first time since January 1, I went off program… like three times! ARRGGHHH!! This weekend was the worst. Jonathan’s grandmother died so we drove to Longview for the viewing and the funeral. Of course there was tons of food because everyone sends food when someone dies. There was very little that I felt was worth the points to eat, but I had to eat. There was this great chicken casserole that was just dripping with cheese. Couldn’t have very much of that. There were tons of mini sandwiches but they all had mayo. I could take off the cheese, but the mayo was a little difficult. And the bread, I know it was like 2 pts a slice. There was salad, which I ate. Oh and the desserts! Geez. This is really the first time on Weight Watchers that I truly felt deprived. I couldn’t make myself a decent sandwich because there was no low point bread.To eat the ready made sandwiches was to waste my points. I sat there staring at everyone eating away. It totally bummed me out. So I told myself I could eat the squash casserole and not count any points for it. I have no idea other than squash and onions what was in it, but I had a TON of it. I ended up having two quarter sandwiches and counting them as 3 pts each. I ate lots of pickle spears. I started off trying to be good, and really the first evening I probably only blew my points by a couple. But the next day, Saturday, it was like I was a bottomless pit. I ate more squash casserole, but I also ate a couple of forkfuls of chocolate custard pie, and a small slice of pound cake. And I shared Meghan’s cinnamon flavored goldfish. I could have done much worse, I know, and I shouldn’t beat myself up over it. I was smart about one thing, at least. Staring at everyone eating guilt free really bothered me, and I had to allow myself to indulge a little. I told myself I could blow my points. In doing so, I didn’t blow them badly. I ate small bits of things I really, really wanted, but I loaded up on the squash and the salad. I know that if I didn’t consciously tell myself I could blow my points this day and start over the next, I would have starting binge eating. I would have snuck in later and eaten a whole piece of pie, and another not-so-slim piece of pound cake. So I did right by that, at least. I’m just having such a hard time with this particular drop in points. And I guess being less than 5 pounds from goal… it really makes it harder for me. If I can just buckle down, though, and work through this – stick to my new lower point range – I’ll be at goal and I’ll get a point or two back for maintenance anyway. I gotta just keep moving my feet….

Enough rambling for now…

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